ah jus came back frm a run.

they say running/doing sports helps one to relieve any worries or stress. they say running helps one feel numb during the run. they say running helps one jus forget everything.

i say no.

at least it is to me. i dno. i jus didn feel any numbness at all, other den my thighs and arms. oh tis sounds like im taking drugs or sth but nah. at least the only thing i gained frm this run is muscle fatigue. if that's even considered a gain -.-

stress. yea rite. i dun seem to feel any diff. and maybe the only diff now is that i have added stress to thnk how im gna feel when i get up tmr and cope wif home. tmr's a saturday. hoho. GG. 5 times more ppl den any usual weekday. stupid christmas. stupid saturday promotions.

and forgetting everything. yea could be. i forgot wad i did today alrd. besides going to work. nth else. im jus living everyday like any other stupid day. no meaning. sian. forgetting everything to me is selective. you choose wad to forget. i want to forget but i cant. rawr. no actually i don't want to forget. at least remembering gives me a goal. a painful goal no doubt but a goal is there to be achieved. pain is shall be another thing.

AH WHY?!

maybe im not even supposed to ask why. ok how come. how come?!

ah. whatever. everything has been there clearly all along. its just that i chose not to see and believe it. or maybe i knew i had no choice to acknowledge it but the feeling hasn been that strong till now. one impulse to rule it all. one major setback to guarantee defeat.

had supper after work again jus now. at least that i can remember. oh the company. even for that very short period of time, i can really forget everyhing. jus truly enjoy myself. then when its over. everything seems to go back to normal. meaningless seconds. work too. i love work. keeps me occupied. i'd do anything to keep myself occupied now. after tis i shall.

anyway after all tis, who cares. im not somebody anyway. im sure i'd be better off tis way too. not doing anything at all. maybe that be the best alternative aft all. letting god decide for me. god shall do what is best for me. i know.

so take me away. this i ask of u.

whoo quite a long post aft so long. meaningless post anw.

i shall go rest now. bye