Can you kick it

Thursday, April 26, 2007

i realise i've been lying to myself all along, living under self deceit for so long.
it ain't the same anymore.
i've tried to change, but obviously it isn't enough. that, i've failed terribly.
it's been affecting me far too much. i know i have to let it go now and leave it all to God. what for try so hard, force something and failing ultimately.
it's been too obvious, looking out of place everytime, not being able to concentrate most of the time and practically just eating me slowly but steadily.

it's a really hard decision.
but everything i've seen. gah.
i don't know if what i'm hearing, what i'm seeing is true anymore.
i don't want to think about anything else, but everythign just doesn't go into place. it doesn't seem right.
i don't know what's happening anymore.

show me please. tell what what you want.

I swore I'm up to no good on 9:14 PM

Monday, April 23, 2007

FINALLY.
LIKE FINALLY, house speech is over.
whoo, can't describe how relieved i am now. don't have to think about it anymore. : D

haha these past few days have been really weird. i know there's a lot going on in my mind. i can't seem to concentrate on anything at all. it's like most of the time i don't even know what i'm saying. minutes after saying something, i can't recall saying that at all already. weird.

gah. i'm really really sorry to people i may have seemed really distracted. i just can't help it. at any one time, there's just so much going on in my head i just don't know what to do at all. esp today. right aft last period (GP -.-), i had impromtu pw meeting, odac proposal to hand in, house meeting and just so many other stuff screaming into my head.

to rachel see (though i bet you don't come here) : i just wanna say i'm really sorry. i haven't been able to do much at all. feel so guilty. promise i'll chiong all the way once all this is over yeah. thanks for being so understanding! imba-ly nice qm. haha

oh well, guess i'm just tired.
long day tmr! shall go sleep early tonight for once. haha

I swore I'm up to no good on 10:39 PM

Sunday, April 22, 2007

and it only makes me stronger.

I swore I'm up to no good on 12:33 PM

Thursday, April 19, 2007

have been really busy this week.
the past 3 days + today rather.
thank god there's half day today. was actually a half day to me rather.
econs tutorial (SLACK) then PE, which we did some aerobics martials arts thingy. it was damn retarded at first but all of us got enthu eventually and all of a sudden it just became a joy to do. played cap's ball with jason's class aft tt. carried on to redo QM's spring cleaning proposal with rachel see. i'm really sorry i had to leave early! tho u won't probably read this anw. haha, oh well!

we chanted for "2 days" instead of "full day" today, but got half day in the end. what's this man. according to seniors, it's like by the time cross-country starts, there's already been like 3-4 full days alrd, but now we only have 1 and a half. oh well, mrs chan..

oh and pw groupings are out.

tmr's the end of this busy week. haven't had the chance to really do things i want yet. stupid PIeceofshit and all. but at least most of it is already over. only have chem lecture left, which is rumoured to be so imba, there's no need to even bother studying. cool, i like that. haha.

hmm can't seem to recall what's been on the past few days. monday was quite a bad day. went out with cheerleaders to thaipan for dinner. tuesday was interhse scrabble. lol, cant believe we went for it. oh well, but we got 2nd in the end. HAHA. ytd was cross-country! omg odac really rocks lah, i think we were damn good. and we initiated quite a lot of cheers too. haha. anw the girls got 1st overall. 2,3,5,7,10,19. how imba is that, even the last person is in top 20. guys weren't that good, but decruz and farrell got 1st and 3rd respectively.

just when i thought everything was good, there still seems to be this barrier.
time, it takes time i guess. can't expect much anyway. wonder why it's always after stuff like that when all this happens. it's just weird. and the problem's with me. for sure. to think i still expect so much.

bye

I swore I'm up to no good on 10:43 PM

Sunday, April 15, 2007

it's like the peace you've been looking for after the storm.
liberation after the rocky path behind.

it's time when i decided to hold on no matter what happens.
it's inevitable that there's going to be more tribulations but i'm ggoing to take them by my stride.
nothing's going to faze me again.

MUSICFEST on friday!
was quite worth the 12 dollars i must say.
heard about random comments that last year's was much better than this year. but so what, it's already of coniderably high standard already. very competitive also.
oh well, felt really sad for groups that tried so hard but didn't win. and HOUSECOMM MTV ! grawr, i thought that the vid was damn funny lah. sadly, i didn't get to appear in it. had ODAC stuff in the morning. oh well. wasted la. hockey guys won.
the rest of the results were more or less predictable, with CAMELS winning. HAHA. i think xr got quite high when they performed and when the results were out. ok all of us were quite high. HAHA : D
josiah's band was good too but ahhh. wasted.

principal meet parents session ytd. SC ODAC CT and supposedly hse comm were supposed to do saikang by carrying chairs and tables on friday afternoon and after the event itself. ODAC ppl went out after that. most ppl couldn make it but there were quite a few who went anw. 3 guys from s45 joined us too! haha. talked, joked around and gossiped like what we always do for quite awhile. then i went home to sleep my life away. haha, oh well.

next week's gonna be a really tough one.

MON- supposedly nothing.
TUE- QM proposal
WED- PI. pioneering cheifs brefing + training. Chem mock SPA
THURS- chem lecture test
FRI- welcome PT. class outing.

GGNORE.
shall go do some one-month-old tutorials now.
seeyou

I swore I'm up to no good on 6:08 PM

Thursday, April 12, 2007

things have changed
times have past
though barriers have inevitably been formed
but things still have to carry on.

all that can be done is to mend what's been broken
and hope for the best.
nothing else can be done already anyway.

pray lord, grant me strength.

musicfest tmr.
long long awaited tickets. haha. oh well, this week particularly has been a really bad one, hope it ends off on a high note.

im really sorry to all those i've caused much displeasure.
if there's any way i can make up for it.

sigh.

I swore I'm up to no good on 11:24 PM

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

i give up.
i just can't go on anymore.
the things going on, just too many and i can't bear to see them.
that's me, im weak, just not good enough.

been trying to hide my emotions in sch, trying to look normal, forcing myself to get high and all.
it's hard, real hard.
i saw just now, and i chose not to see after that. unbearable at that time, but it has already happened. there's no changing. i am nothing. but now i just have to take it in my stride. it's over anw, leave everything behind and move on.

this period. the best times, i'll always remember. the hardest times too, never gna forget. as much as i can't bear to see it happen, i have no choice. it's a hard decision.

all this talk for nothing. i know i'm still nothing to you. all that i've put in is obviously a far cry from being there. oh well, memories.

so yea, i wish you all the best.
and you too.

I swore I'm up to no good on 8:33 PM

Monday, April 09, 2007

it's always like that.
and its bound to happen some time anw, when you know it's not what you imagined it to be anymore. things change so fast. lose out, and its gone. just like that. can't change it, life's like that. can't expect everything to turn out ur way. you're weak, you're lousy, you're gone. simple.

sometimes i wonder if all of these are just signs telling me that it's just not meant to be, no point going all out, and in the end, somehow u realise it's not going in the direction you planned, and when you start regretting and all, there's use anymore. how much it'd pain you, too bad.

the signs are quite clear now. to turn back or not. hide away in fear, or just continue to give it all, one more shot. one wrong move, could mean everything. all the pain. argh. and if it all fails, just have to live in regret.

enough said, just not good. sigh

I swore I'm up to no good on 10:17 PM

Saturday, April 07, 2007

amazing how once i start blogging i'll keep blogging. haha i hope this doesn't stop soon, even though it's really mundane stuff that i have to say.

yeah so anw, didn do much at all today. in fact, i rly did nothing. nothing at all. LOL, so much for wanting to start mugging. -.- woke up at like 11 today. LOL. slacked for awhle den went to meet rachel to discuss spring cleaning proposal. hawhawhaw. groupings and everything are out alrd. HAHA. no pun intended anw. (: oh well, hope everything turns out well on that day. have yet to prepare for "tekkan" session either. ahhh busy busy.

hmm den aft that went to parkway to study for awhle. HAHA. it was extremely bad. hardly even studied anything. oh well, i really can't study lah. i would get distracted every few minutes. walked arnd for like dno how many times too. sad. haha

kinda summarises what i did today la. practically nth. haha. oh well, there's pugger outing tmr! 4.10 at ps. yay. missed night cycling alrd, this one cant miss. haha. oh well, tomorrow! (:

I swore I'm up to no good on 8:08 PM

Friday, April 06, 2007

perhaps i have alrd lost all my interest to blog anymre, or mb its perhaps there's just been too much happening recently and its bcome impossible for me to note down everything here. excuses aside, i think im just to lazy to blog anymre. busy la! haha

oh man, i seriously can recall what's been happening in the past 20 odd days since i last blogged abt stuff. quite a few stuff happened dur tis period, but most of it was taken up by countless nights practising our cheerleading routines. im really glad to say it paid off, but sadly the euphoria only lasted on that day, den died down soon after alrd. haha oh well, still really relieved that we managed to win the competition. good job, good job!

and then there's odac stuff too. results were out on the saturday of week 1. played captain's ball and some other games in the mrng. thanks to shi han and arkar for putting the whole event together and being such good emcees. buffet aft tt. and finally the results. sigh, many unexpected ppl didn get in. Allen, andrew, jermyn( sorry dno how to spell ). ahh quite sad la.

initiation was on wednesday. wah i rly hope i wun fail my post. sigh. 3 months to prove it. haha. den dere were sadistic games aft tt. WAH, damn crazy. had to drink some weird concoction of peach tea, ALOT of salt, miranda, and who knows what else inside. damn disgusting. HAHA. had to memorise the ten commandments and pledge aft tt. nxt station was worse. we had to commando crawl on the super muddy field at the back of the netball court. whoo got rash till now. den we had to roll in all sorts of nonsense - egg, watermelon, shampoo, flour, milo powder etc etc. and in the end wear our shirts and shorts inside out. WHOO. last station was gross la. we had to transfer soggy uncooked macaroni a distance wif just our mouth. the pail with the macaroni was damn disgusting la, there were rice weevils inside, sweat in courtesy of seniors and more. we had to eat 4 cups of macaroni aft tt. POWER. HAHA and the finale, ultimate la! we had to squeeze out the juice of real sugarCANE wif our mouths. den u know, all the saliva and everything. HAHA but me and jason drank 2 cups of the "juice" aft tt. we also had to make milo by sucking in powder from our straws and sucking water. den spit the milo out into a cup. den we had to transfer the milo past 7 ppl thru straws. IMBA. hmm tt's abt it for initiation day i guess.

ODAC seriously rocks lah! (:

oh well, then friday was sport's day. didn feel very well on that day. but as the day went on, i slowly got better. getting high and everything. haha. yay.

was sick this week. woke up on monday wif an unusually high fever. hvn had a fever for quite long alrd. haha. didn go to sch on mon and tues. den slacked away on wed. ytd too, went for cheerleading dinner and the rest of the day/nite. haha (:

I swore I'm up to no good on 9:16 PM

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

whoo its been a long time alrd since i even touched tis.

but im not gna post anything now i guess, no time no time!

anw congrats to everyone in lynx!

okay i'll start blogging agn when i have time. most probably nxt wk.

I swore I'm up to no good on 5:49 PM