Can you kick it

Sunday, April 27, 2008

haha, getting the stupid lousy sunday feeling again. oh well, not exactly used to it already but sort of expecting it to come, and when it comes, wham.

okay, don't what i talking alrd! LOL, that's just one of the effects of the sunday syndrome.

lol today was a very unproductive day. pretending to think but ended just stoning and staring into space. haha. kept telling myself i'll start work the next half hr block, but in the end crossing that time by a few minutes, then convincing myself i can only start work on halfhr blocks. so in the end,i end up not doing anything! LOL. wasted sunday. hah. this is bad bad. i seem to have gotten the slacker's disease. nooooo.

just beginning to read some chem stuff now. probably not gna be doing anything else alrd, oh well! team event tmr, don't exactly have any pressure on us, but i just want to do well for myself. yes.

right, quite looking forward to the next week i guess. hopefully i'll make the most out of everything. haha damn, i realise my posts have been getting drier and drier recently. AHH! okay in a few days time, this phenomenon will change.

BYE

I swore I'm up to no good on 10:01 PM

Saturday, April 26, 2008

23oh no, damn. i've got a feeling the dreaded feeling's coming back again. just when i thought i could be doing without it for some time, at least.

these few days have been rather, weird. stuff that made me very happy, stuff which made me ponder about it for awhile, then eventually have to brood over it. i don't like myself. i'm too easily affected by bad stuff. just one is enough.

thus, i have decided to let whatever it is be. used to think as long as there's a will, you can do whatever you want. and achieve it. but i guess it only applies to some cases. yup, i think i should just be normal, and expect nothing else. ahhah, don't know how to explain that. oh well.

oh yes, and great job to all who went for the pinoy dance! not sure if we won it, but i suppose we should? since the producers alrd said we got the best timing so far. hrm, not really proportional to effort spent i guess. the other schools really seemed to have prepared a lot for it, whereas we only started proper one week ago, and total time spent pratising would be say, less than 10 hours? hrm, maybe it's the people who joined huh. you guys are imba lah. thought today would be the last day to have anything to do with this stupid event alrd, but most likely it won't be the case. heard PIs wanted to go all the way though, so it should be a good thing i guess? yeh.

ahh, a really really weird post again.

HAHA. sigh.

but at least i know there is what i call trust.
everyone seems to be doing well, i shall not be the lag.

I swore I'm up to no good on 8:23 PM

today's a thought provoking day.

hrm.

I swore I'm up to no good on 12:01 AM

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

today, is the most non-academic tuesday i've had this year in school term. for once, the longest day in the timetable turned out to be a no-lesson day. lol. what a break huh.

ah the day started off badly right from the moment i woke up. woke up at least 20mins later than i should have, and in the end it was a total mad rush. 7 minutes to get everything done. ah, and i don't like the number 7 at all. damn. yes, so was late for pr's car. ah man, twice in such a short period of time. ahh. :/ yeah, arrived in sch only to be chased for assembly alrd. FOTY during assembly today. lawl, interesting. hrm den slacked in room till 10 plus. atmosphere there was ultimate lah. non-stop screaming one. a total different sight from what you'll normally see in bowling alleys. worse than night market in india! except fot the touting only. noise level can own india's night market. LOL. screaming NONSTOP. hahah, buay tahan sia.

team talk after that. nv had a proper one by the coach before. tabletennis last time was crap. lol. yes, could felt my hair stand when coach motivated us. sigh, but game today was bad ah. really really bad. totally let myself and the people down. ah okay not so much of the others, but myself. could have just concentrated more, pressurize myself more and it could have been improved so much more. ah, guess it was complacency as well. oh well, today's score was kinda unbelievable la. sigh, don't wish to talk about it alrd. come thursday, it'll revert to normal again! yes.

oh oh and the favourite part of my post, dedicated to odac! : D lawl. that's all.

haha okay whatever, just trying to keep myself happy luh, not exactly very easy after a really sucky day of lousy bowling and ultimate sian paggawa-ing. okay i didn't exactly paggawa but seeing people i know having to go thorugh so much pain is really, very very ouchful ): ah, shall not go on about it again. but must reemphasize this again, odac is really special! was feeling damn down over sucky bowling, so i comtemplated whether or not to go back to sch. and in the end i did, and it was one of the best decisions made ever : D quite weird, but just watching, WATCH ONLY NOT PLAY, just watching odac playing bball could take away the sucky feeling. although temporary, but it was so easy. destiny(big word), yes, destiny. i could have very well been at the next court, training damn hard for bball season, or outside the hall playing capt's ball for sailing, BUT NO! i was sitting by the side of the vball court, watching my very own friends(more than) playing comical bball and feeling so blessed over it. funny huh. but it's all meant to be (:

yes, so i guess there's really nothing much for me to worry about, any big small thing that happens, i know i have a backing. yay.

a very sucky day, to a rather good day. how?

(:

I swore I'm up to no good on 12:08 AM

Monday, April 21, 2008

so tmr it starts. the start of a 2 week long "break". not exactly a good thing as shown in inverted commas. firstly, it's not really a break, just 4 days taken away only. okay not 4 days taken away ONLY, but damn, it's gna be 4 days! and yeah, it won't really be a break, i'm being devoid from something i like! hhaa okay, i like bowling too.

AH YES wm, you should stop now. it's not as if i'm disappearing off the Earth for the rest of my life. ah, i know it'll always remain here(heart) so who cares about not physically being there (: i hope. haha. ah, hopefully this eeky feeling will go away soon enough. fighting that stupid thought that i'll be missing something dear for a long time. why! D:

oh man but sadly, today hasn't exactly been a good day! sigh, recent days hasn't exactly been good either. ): okay maybe it's something to do with my mindset, too high expectations alrd i guess. haha. lessons today were quite good, could understand coz i prepared! time in odac room wasn't as desirable though :/ spent quite some thing trying to read quantum2 when my mind was somewhere else half the time. then stared at the word ODAC on the wooden board and thoughts/memories just flowed in like free. haha okay i'm too extreme! lol. please forgive me, i'm getting the feeling that i'm going on an expedition to the moon. ah then soccer match, VJC played well i guess. but today sort of could see they lack depth without their key players. overdependence alrd i guess :/ but hopefully come finals they'll reach their peak : D

mental game tmr! will need all the luck i can get. haha.

BYE!

I swore I'm up to no good on 11:19 PM

Sunday, April 20, 2008

i conclude there is somethign really wrong with me and sundays. it just happens! haha. the day will feel empty as usual, and when night comes, it's weird feeling's turn. yay, and i'd like to attribute that to a lack of odac stuff for a day. HAHA. : D

right, my mind's being quite on it's own now, can't collect thoughts. haha, actually i think i'm not thinking now. kena the lousy flu virus, now have to live with it for at least one night, and it's making me drowsy like free.

so most of the time today was spent in my room. been a long time since i've done that. probably about 7 days. and it's a really ncie feeling to just hide yourself in the room and be anti social. at least it was productive! haha. hopefully done enough for one week. okay that's being too idealistic. hahah.

alright this is a very meaningless post.
i shall go sleep soon, yes (:

I swore I'm up to no good on 11:56 PM

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

oh no, feeling really tired now, so short post! :/ but i think today's just a simple day, just like the rest of the other good days (:
and right now, msn's really being an ass, i can't stay online for more than 3 minutes! ridiculously idiotic ):

ah, so today, i was being severely bullied by people, which is a bad thing in case you don't know. verbal abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse. ): IT WAS BAD. i shall have my revenge real soon, just watch out you lousy cronies! rah. so today we had welcome PT, i shld think it was quite tiring for the PIs, just that possible it wasn't enough to push most of them to their limits yet? i slacked most of the way, did baton(branch) passing, and dunked BEN(and gt dunked too-.-). then captain's ball : D and then dinner. really, nothing much happened today. haha. but like i said, simple things, small things that can make my day. yay, this is good, after the hell from ytd. : D

ah, this post seems to have no meaning at all. ahhh. haha, but for the sake of it, just whack.

oh and sidenote, i just got a sudden inspiration to be a masseur. : D

I swore I'm up to no good on 10:46 PM

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

if today was to be test of trust and bond for ODAC, there was no doubt the result would have surpassed any scale.

it somehow makes me wonder, probably for the infinityth time alrd, how this kind of thing can happen. it's like a toto ticket(err, hardest to win toto right), but this time you have to get 26 out of like E^99(infinity) correct, and that's what happened to us. probability 0.00000000001! but did it happen? yes it did. ah, it's really like those once in a lifetime you get to see this kind of thing, like go record books that kind, but i happen to be in that batch. whoo, i am a really lucky fella. and that's probably just underrating lah, sorry, my england not very powerful. ODAC's much better than that description. ((:

so damn, what happened today. we're gonna break a world record! -.- yes, we're breaking a world record. lol. it sounds quite prestigious, but the effort needed to break that record's quite proportional i must say. getting people down can alrd be a world record by itself. ah, shall skip all the complainy parts, not worth remembering. cheh. so last min, i was told, no matter what, 24 people. couldn't find enough ppl initially. felt bad engaging 25th batch for help alrd. it's quite ridiculous, this is indirectly gna affect their whole experience as a PI, and ultimately their term in ODAC. ahhh, how can, join ODAC to break records?! yes, break records of course, but has to be ODAC related what! not dancing with bamboo poles! lol. ok a bit ji dong now. so yes, 25th batch's down for this alrd, the worse thing i can do is to involve the 24ths as well, when they already have a hell lot to do, and this period shld really be spent cherishing out time tgt one. and involving them would mean possibly having them to come down and commit alrd. sigh. but judging by the situation now, it's more or less no choice that the 24ths have to go as well. BOO. ):

i knew as long as i asked, they would surely comply. and yeah, not really a surprise that the moment i asked, everyone immediately sprang up and got changing. omg, that was the ultimate. where to find anything like that elsewhere! so now.., what are the roles of the family class? heartwarming to the max. (: you guys are the best luh. yay, you all certainly deserve the THING. hahhaa, surprise surprise. : D

ah, lessons today were quite bad. except maybe for maths lect? LOL, one of the best maths lect i've had, best being poncho day! sat right in front, good experience! GGed during econs tut, but lucky didn't go, or i would have died the moment i stepped out of class. horrible time in the room. oh man, today's quite screwed up if not for ODAC! ahhh, really salvage things sia. was feeling like crap the whole time till almost when that thing ended. really bad. argh. hrm, today's somehow quite a bad day still. things didn't really turn out pleasant, so many things i wanted to do and could haev done have to be forsaken/lost the mood. sigh. sigh. tried to cheer myself up during outing(with agenda) at night, stay the way i wanted to be but it was quite hard. :/ but at least managed to maintain, was quite afraid i'll spoil the mood. AHHH, shitt. ://

but i'm just really thankful for what i have now ah. for you, and all of you and you. THE motivation now. really can't imagine not having known you all. ah, that's not really the point, so damn, don't think.

YES, so ODAC shall be only made up of ONE ODAC, and not lousy characters in lousy stories like Beauty & the Beast/Beauty, Snow White & the 7 dwarves or 3 Little Pigs, so whoever's guilty of including these names shall be severely punished! : D

yes, you guys make impossible nothing.

like a toto ticket. (:

I swore I'm up to no good on 11:18 PM

Monday, April 14, 2008

hrm, today was a relatively good day! compared to past past days, but can't really be compared to last week i guess. but still, good!

lol, i realise nowadays, the way i post is really VERY weird. okay, maybe i'm more weird-sensitive now, everything that's a little bit weird it seems as if it's really very weird. i don't use to talk abt days! LOL. but yes, i guess it's good also, now that i don't think emo stuff as much, but rather refelct more on happy stuff, which is goooood (:

lessons were normal today! didn't go for physics lect again :/ really need to catch up on physics soon! weakest link. hahaha. ODAC room after lessons, yaye : D funny thing, was just trying to be funny so i asked the biz club ppl if i could take the munchy donuts cap. she said don't think can, bt didn't say no! haha, so i clipped it to my bag and walked around the booth for quite awhle, surprisingly, still didn't ask me to return it. so i happily took it up to the room. yay, it's quite nice lor. attempted to study econs, till people entered the room. LOL! there goes my study session. ahha. ODAC room's kinda impossible to study one. it's just so happening, every second you hear stuff that interests you, and everywhere you look, you'll be tempted to join in or look on more. it's that amazing! (advertisement!) totally not condusive for studying at all. HAHA. but it's really what makes the ODAC room, THE ODAC room : D

so half a day was spent in the ODAC room, with games. Big 2, Bridge, Big 2 again, memory game, handphone game, bla bla. NO study at all. LOL! sadcase. then was events! haha. jason ran super fast for his 400hurdles, 1:12! imba! haha. ivie ran fast too! but first time, so can't expect much. great job guys : D yeah then came 2248. LOL. all along thought we couldn't run coz of some discrepancy, but last min, mrseet told me to find a team, and we just had to compete with ourselves can get medal alrd. lol.then RC joined, floorball got their team last min, and SC just grabbed 4 people who were there to run. LOL. was good i guess, good competition : D though result could have been better, but it was good alrd! haha. don't really expect more : D damn nice ppl! still have 4X100 to whack. yes.

lawl, nothing much happened today alrd i guess. just good ol' odac times and more. quite lazy to lengthen it. but main idea's alrd here, so that's all that matters : D

tmr tmr!

I swore I'm up to no good on 11:07 PM

haha, purposely made this post start at 00:00, a new week.
why?

because this marks the end of possibly the best week ever. *screams. okay i really just screamed just now, at the balcony. it's kinda thrilling, you should try it too some time : D

ah damn, i stopped at the above paragraph for quite awhle, watched arsenal score, got me damn happy, then watched man u equalize, and then take the lead. it's like 5 mins left now, hrm, don't expect much. should probably be able to know the score by the time i finish this post. cmon, last gasp winner arsenal! but ah, not gna let this affect a potential happy day! oh, okay, this sounds weird but arsenal lost. oh well, title race over! but still, many seasons more to come. watch out for arsenal the nxt few seasons! : D

lawl, and it's really quite funny how match results affect guys. the minute full time whistle is blown, don't how many ppl start coming to suan me. aye, it's just 2-1! also not say like man u win title, that's it man, i'm supporting chelsea! HAHA.

okay back to today! hrm, somehow i was thinking about how powerful the mind is. and actually the heart as well, but the heart's a long story. HAHA. too bad if you don't know! yeah, so i was thinking how by changing your initial perception of something, the outcome will follow as well. let's take today for example. i'm not a big fan of sundays. in fact, i don't like sundays. but to end off the week as a perfect week (i realise i like to use the word perfect :/ like perfect pitch. LOL), it wasn't hard to make it a good day. imba mind. but it's probably coz of some weird overwhelming happiness pang thingy that happened last night which made it not so hard. haha. haven't been this motivated to do stuff for quite awhle.

so yes, today was rather productive! compared to the past few days this term. not say do alot also, bt at least finished up a few tutorials. yay. that's abt it for today i guess. it's just church, and keeping myself in the room doing work. very simple day, yet somehow, at the end of the day it just feels as if everything went right. hrm, maybe coz nothing much happened that's why it seems like it's a perfect day. haha. : D

oh and i got my 11:11 again just now. : D though i sort of cheated, but who cares! haha. the whole idea's already quite childish, and the fact that i believe in such stuff is alrd, er, weird. so.. ah, just get the most out of it will do. haha, if it comes true, it better do, then it's a bonus! : D

hrm okay, now that an imba week has ended, nxt wk's probably not gna be as good i guess. alrd have some stuff happening, which hopefulyl will be settled by tmr.sigh. better not have too high expectations! but still, nothing much changes, i'll still be able to look forward to something everyday. (: yeah, so no matter how sucky anything can get, as long as IT still stands, the day will still be pushed to count as a good day : D HAHA, advertise again. LOL.

haha, realise my posts recently are becoming weirder and weirder. more of anyhow whack alrd. it should be a good thing i guess, at least there's less unhappy stuff for me to think about. just good memories to cherish only. yay, i'm glad with what i have now. so please don't go down! up can, down no (:

haha.

scream!

Join the Happy Club anyone?

I swore I'm up to no good on 12:00 AM

Sunday, April 13, 2008

HELLO!

hrm, somehow, it's really quite obvious to see what's missing today. don't need for me to type it out everything alrd right. haha. oh man, i think advertising companies shld come hire me alrd, whole day non-stop promoting the same thing. LOL. ODAC, be honoured! HAHA. and as i was telling some very very lazy person, i think these few days are somewhat the peak for this year i guess. emotional peak. we all learnt in Recession and Booms that there's a cycle to almost everything. what goes up, sadly, has to come down. so yeah, the most we can do is to take the most out of everything that's happening now. and possibly, maybe make this peak into a small plateau, small plateau to a plateau that never ends. haha, oh man, if only that's possible, i'd want to live forever. (:

top priority on 11:11 wishlist, to extend that peak! : DD

ah, if only wishes can be added, intensified, then i don't mind like waiting till abt 11:10 everyday. then turning away from the clock, and after a few seconds, "accidentally" turning to look at the clock and make 11 wishes. provided the 11:11 thing works first. haha.

HAHA yes i know, advertising companies, you can come look for me now. my contact number is.... yes thank you. LOL, suddenly got reminded by all the funny modelling and escort companies i used to call to arrange for job interviews. okay not impt. HAHA.

hrm yes, about today! woke up late yet again, despite falling aslp rather early last night in from of my com. woke up feeling totally numb in my arms. LOL. can't imagine how i managed to actually slp like that. cool. haha. then met brocalvin (i know you want to see this) on the mrt and went to collect the plaques. oh oh, and we decided to do something nice the 24ths. HEH! it shall be a surprise till that day. (: haha, quite excited abt it. headed back to sch, hid ourselves in the odac room, and slept continuously for 4 plus hours. LOL! imba. ODAC room's really damn nice to sleep. adding to the fact that when the lights were turned off and it was raining outside, so it seemed as if it was night inside. and the wind howling a little, shiokkk. only managed to complete binomial tutorial, then went to look at lynx cheerleading. aye, they're good! haha. ah, and that reminded me of my own cheerleading times. ahh, miss those times. hrm, a bit of trouble now though :/ hopefully we're able to come to a common agreement fast. ahh, not good ):

so yes, today's a good day even though something's missing. but a good closure ensures that it's a good day.
final verdict: *pang* I declare today, a good day. Court dismissed.

oh oh, and this is what i found on wikipedia about addiction.
Addiction was a term used to describe a devotion, attachment, dedication, inclination, etc. Nowadays, however, the term addiction is used to describe a recurring compulsion by an individual to engage in some specific activity, despite harmful consequences to the individual's health, mental state or social life.
Psychological dependency is a dependency of the mind, and leads to psychological withdrawal symptoms (such as cravings, irritability, insomnia, depression, anorexia, etc). Addiction can in theory be derived from any rewarding behaviour, and is believed to be strongly associated with the system of the brain's reward system(as in the case of cocaine and amphetemines). Some claim that it is a habitual means to avoid undesired activity, but typically it is only so to a clinical level in individuals who have emotional, social, or psychological dysfunctions(psychological addiction is defined as such), replacing normal positive stimuli not otherwise attained (see Ray park).

Very very apt, ignoring those parts regarding drug abuse. thus, i conclude that i'm addicted to ODAC : D

ah, jaw pain.

i love you, odac.

I swore I'm up to no good on 1:04 AM

Saturday, April 12, 2008

today was a higher order day. many many many things happened and need to slowly think through it to fully comprehend the whole of today's stuff.

LOL, okay that was just trying to make it sound cheem. but ah, today was very eventful, super mixed feelings, most of the time i don't even know how to feel-what's the right feeling i should adopt, what i should do abt what's happening and whether what i did was most appropriate. AH, but eventful also meant meaningful events, and overall, i thought today was good! at least it ended well, haha, a nice ending just sums it all up (: good day : D

morning was rather agonizing. had trouble waking up coz slept quite late last night, in the end pr had to wait for me D: oh no, i'm not used to being late! hrm, the whole of last night i didn't feel much abt pw one, but this mrng, weirdly, the feeling kind of crept up to me, and lingered all the way throughout PE. smemre halfway during PE(pure conditioning-.-), MrSeet walked past, saw me, and if i'm not wrong said i got a C for PW. haha, no initial reaction(LOL!, thus rate of reaction =?), but just took some time for it to sink in, then immediately felt damn shit, though i somehow thought that either i heard wwrongly or he's just being his usual crappy self.

but yeah, wasn't the case la. sigh. finished PE, walked to ODAC room, met ppl along the way who didn't do very well for it :/ oh man. then got a call from brocalvin abt the results. sighhhh, don't know to feel happy or sad. but i guess the sad component sort of overwhelmed the happy completely. PW is really stupid! people who outright deserve their As don't get them. sucks. and what's mroe, KL! ahhh. really felt damn terrible. sorry if i acted weirdly! i really didn't know what to do then. :/ very very unjust.

so maths lecture after that was really weird. that one period felt terribly long. could barely think straight. dang. hrm, but hopefully it's all over, very cliche but there really is no point mulling over it, can't change the outcome anw. yeah :/

then left sch for NS checkup. journey there was good : D and the whole checkup, LAWL! i kind of enjoyed it lah, especially the psychometric tests, damn amusing! feel like doing the test again. LOL. yay, and i'm in PES A. then back to school, for capt's ball! easily the remedy for anything bad. dno how, but can only think of 2 reasons why capt's ball(such a simple game) can be SO FUN. company, and the company? in other words, ODAC. needless to say, the company really intensifies the fun factor. every capt's ball session is DAMN GOOD. without fail : D hrm but stuff happened during capt's ball. some stubborness and er, over resilience to not eat made people fall ill. :/ HAHA. what defiance. : D AH, but other than that, coming back all the way to school, always the right choice la.

LOL, i think my recent posts sound damn propaganda-like, but heck, it's up to you to interpret and accept! don't believe your problem. haha : D

yeah man, times like this never fail to keep my high maintained. happy luh. hrm, maybe i'm a litle paranoid but i just thought this period is really critical for us. with weeks to come, exams nearing, the whole mood will inevitably change. so now while everyone's nt really into the mugging mood yet, spam and collect the experiences!

i'm convinced now that days like these are just out there for us. as long as we want it, there will be NO problem in getting it. so yeah, three cheers for good days like these! : D

how do wishes work? for all that matters, 11:11 doesn't seem so much like a fallacy n ow (:
come on man, grant me just that only thing i ask for.

I swore I'm up to no good on 12:20 AM

Thursday, April 10, 2008

today i realized how important a lasting impression is.

you can have the best happenings in the day, but i guess in the end, it's the closure that will ultimately determine how you think the day has been like. been having quite a few days like this alrd, but i think today's quite an apt example to give.

the whole day would probably be one of the best i had. kind of enjoyed lessons even, i don't know why. then when lessons ended at 1210, was already looking forward to the rest of the day. ate with class, went to the room. had a bit of cheap thrill coming up with some aliteration thingy and getting high over it. LOL. chilled abit in the room for awhle, it was one of the better after-lessons-afternoons alrd. (: then did up a bit of the vgems thing and went for the meeting. settled most of the stuff, yay. then went for the match against MI. was quite disappointed tedrid couldn't play(sick), but he took it easy so i guess it was okay. in the end match was postponed due to the rain, SAD. had one of the highest evenings after that. it was somewhat similar to last thursday's bouldering session. it was damn good. even taking down the scaffolding and keeping the parts in the store could be so enjoyable. the feeling was quite undescribable. very very blissful. we're really special. don't deny. the high carried on all the way to the room, and we did crazy stuff as usual. it alsted for quite awhle. then came the bad closure. hrm, don't know how to describe but it just didn't turn out well, quite a waste for such a day imo. but maybe it's only that i'm thinking too much into it, which could be true most of the time.

maybe the more correct approach would be just to acknowledge that unhappy moments are to be forgotten? i want to, but is that against human nature. hrm.

but still, today would be on the tops of the best days i've had. just wish days like this would not stop coming.

PW results out tmr. don't know if i'm feeling anything at all abt it, bt i don't think i am. just i'm numb to the 2 sickening letters alrd? hopefully, tmr will be a good day, for all (: NS checkup tmr too. leaving sch after PE, or rather after PW results. hrm. may everything go smoothly! still looking forward to captain's ball in school! yay : D

ah, if only wishes could come true that easy, there'll be no point making wishes. 11.11, are you working?

somehow feel this song's very apt to what's happening now.

Melee
Can't Hold On

Someone cries and it washes the street with tears
But when they are mine, they collect in my head for years
Rain or shine, still I'm standing on all I said
'Cause it's in my soul, carry on when the feeling's dead

But if you can't hold on
Let it go and come back in your heart
And if you can't hold on
Maybe it's not time for you
And if you can't hold on
On your very last try
I'll be there in the morning to pull you through

Someone dies late at night and I never know A
nd even if I did, so afraid of the face
I'd show I feel trapped and enslaved to this dark contrast
Need a feeling now, give me something that's going to last

I want to be free
I want to be free
I want to be free
Yes, I want to be free
I want to be free
Yes, I want to be free
Oh, I want to be free
Yes, I want to be free

You say you want to be free
But you can't fool me
You say you want to be free
Oh, but you can't fool me
You say you want to be free
But you can't fool me
You say you want to be free
Oh, but you can't fool me

Oh, and if you can't hold on
You can't hold on (Can't hold on)
You can't hold on (Can't hold on)
I'll be there, I'll be there

Oh, and if you can't hold on
Let it go and come back in your heart
And if you can't hold on
Maybe it's not time for you
And if you can't hold on
On your very last try I
'll be there so you know that you're not alone

by the way, this is a really good video.

I swore I'm up to no good on 11:48 PM

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

the good times are back!

okay turning point's mainly because 400 was postponed. LOL. stupid reason but it really made my day! crap, i bet you'll be thinking i'm such an idiot bt i have my reasons lah. many what ifs. blah blah, main thing's that it's till nxt tue that i have to run so yeah, just whack, last place also got 1 point! LOL. and tmr's relay's cancelled too : D bestest. everything regarding sports day seems to be going well. yes ah! haha.

can't imagine how sucky i felt almost the whole day before the race. how retarded. ah mine small thing also like that, really pity sportsmen who train their whole life but suay suay get injured, there goes their whole training. really quite a sucky feeling to be injured. :/

okay lousy injury stuff aside! survived lessons again and really looked forward to ODAC stuff to salvage the day! pity i didn't get as much of it as i could. my mind kept wandering off, most of the time checking out my hamstring hoping it'll miraculously recover. hardly even ran at all during captain's ball. it was really bad! but still had fun lah, anything related IS : D left quietly halfway, don't wan to spoil the mood. ok i think i'm quiet bad at hiding emotions. haha. then news came, no heats! LOL. yay. round 2 of capt's ball afterwards and it was shiokkk! damn happy and high. spaced out in the room afterwards. my phone ran out of batt! HAHA, sorry defiant child, another day! : D maybe it's a sign that you won't be able to beat my highscore so my phone thinks that you shouldn't get to play. yes. : D

dinner after that. short but good. long bus ride was spent thinking again. nvm, it was therapeutic, i like.

overall, today was a great day. hopefully days like this will not fail to come freely!

yes ah. (:

I swore I'm up to no good on 10:48 PM

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

i survived tormenting tuesday!

that doesn't mean it was a good day though. sort of enjoyed today at times, but towards the end it was terrible :/ surprisingly, i paid attention to all lessons today! lol, great accomplishment man : D eh okay, slept for AWHLE during econs lec, but probably didn't go thru much dur that period. yes i know. was damn glad lessons ended, it meant ODAC!

ah, relay's cancelled for the (2,2,4,8), but 4X100's still open! okay nt very impt. ran abit with4 of the guys. did 2 time trials, timing wasn't good, but tmr willbe better! just whack just whack : D rained afterwards, qutie relieved coz i wasn't prepared for 400 at all. haha. so tmr will have 2 events, WHACK. went back to ODAC room, and spammed games like free. lol. it's the gaming season now, cannot help it. was until when we were abt to leave, suddenly just hit me that what i thought was keeping me strong all along could actually just be my own illusion.

the feeling kind of sucked. okay it sucked quite a lot. nothing much i could do. another thinking day for me. recent days haven't been that good. maybe thursday set a standard too high alrd, these few days just seemed to pale in comparison. but tmr might be a different thing, so there's always much to look forward to tmr.

i need new motivation now. sigh.

what has been keeping me in high spirits, is er, gone.
tommorow.

I swore I'm up to no good on 10:54 PM

Monday, April 07, 2008

i feel tired, very tired. physically and mentally as well.
just when i thought it would be all over, then suddenly come shoot me with this. not that i don't want to do it, but it seems exceptionally hard now, now that i've sort of lost the drive to do it. i want to enjoy my remaining JC life!

lawl, sound extremely desperate over there. but it's kinda true la.

okay, ODAC stuff! yay, surprisingly Monday today wasn't THAT bad. i've always stereotypred mondays as sucky days, comparable to stupid sundays but it all went well today till the meeting at 5, which sort of spoilt my day. bt oh well, hopefully tmr's morning meeting will settle everything. HOPEFULLY. oh then joined the rest to watch VJ's match against HC. dang, tedrid got subbed out! talked to him awhle ago and he sounded so disappointed :/ ahh, you're still damn pro to me! your minutes played alrd damn imba, don't be sad! haha. nxt match can still perform : D oh oh, and Alex is the crazy imba la. who scores 30yard shots with such ease. damn cool damn cool. haha, VJ deserved to win the match la, no doubt. had much fun cheering for tedrid and the new VJ cheer too! haha, got quite high :/

and matt's birthday dinner after that. crapped like free. lol. THanks matt for the icecream! 2 more days till being legal! : D

sigh, tired.

I swore I'm up to no good on 10:53 PM

i think i'll die just staring into space next time(hopefully) during my old age.

lol. i spent hours of my afternoon just staring into the blank desktop screen, daydreaming constructively? there were more or less only 2 things in my mind. ODAC and God. haha, it keeps switching between the 2. could it be ODAC's THE gift from God himself? haha, could very well be, and i couldn't agree more.

and yes, just not ago i was just staring at my download number growing. FOR VERY LONG. LOL. today is really a very weird day. haha.

ahh, okay this post really has no meaning. lol.

TMR FASTER COME!

I swore I'm up to no good on 1:09 AM

Sunday, April 06, 2008

if yesterday was bad, today's even worse!
gah, don't know if it's a sunda thing or a sunset thing. every sunday will never fail to get me damn emo. and when it comes to 6 plus(sunset in case you don't know), the effect sort of magnifies by a few times. dang, hate the feeling of something being about to end. D:
and to make matters worse, i'm using an emo playlist now. LOL. asking for trouble. ah but somehow i don't really feel like changing.

okay don't link, don't link. it is NOT going to end.
damn you, sunday sunsets.

today's mass was another reflective one. it made me realise how weak my faith actually is. not as if i'm not already aware but it sort of confirms it's true?
so generally today became Thinking Sunday. which took up a bulk of my time today. i barely touched any tutorial/ anything related to work! haha, deep trouble.

and i've yet to find out what's that mysterious missing thing that's making me feel so empty yet.
ahh, incomplete.

hopefully tmr will be better.

I swore I'm up to no good on 7:46 PM

Saturday, April 05, 2008

today's an extremely incomplete day.
only reason i could think of is the lack of exposure to ODAC stuff. crap, i'm having withdrawal symptoms! ODAC is addictive. lol.

and in case you didn't know, today's the first free Saturday! Oh man, liberation can sometimes be a bad thing. best thing today was i woke up at 1, possibly the latest i've woke up in my life. then i returned to sleep straight after washing up. LOL. slept till about 4 plus. objectively my best day as a student in JC life with regards to sleep time. yeah man : D nothing much happened today. okay, nothing happened today. LOL. ahh, i have such a boring life, i should shoot myself and die. today was all about tutorials and tutorials, which was why i said nothing happened today. had abit of fun with Stats 1.1 thinking of lame answers.

seriously shldn't even have typed all these. waste of time! haha. days without ODAC make me feel empty.

Arsenal drew with Liv just now. there goes the title. D:

oh and being strong and staying strong goes a long way. mentally strong that is. i'll be behind you!

Through Glass

I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh, god it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home sitting all alone inside your head

i hate sunsets.

I swore I'm up to no good on 8:39 PM

Friday, April 04, 2008

yay, I'M BACK!
whoo, it has been a really long time. people keep asking why it's always the birthday post they see when they come here, eh, got meaning one okay! HAHA. And usually people will brush off meaningless reasons like having no time, or just losing interest to blog, but i guess it's quite true for my part.
haha but still, a start is a start! better now than never : D

yeah and you must be wondering why i'd suddenly want to start blogging again. i really admire people who're able to blog regularly. it really takes ALOT of mental determination to blog, okay or rather, some form of motivation to make you want to blog. (blogging has a really high activation energy) but YES, not really gna update much abt the blog, but just feel it with meaningful posts, posts from the bottom of my heart. in the end, who cares abt blog templates or whatever, it's the content of the posts that count right. (yes, i think so too!) okay back to topic! yesterday's bouldering experience has really left a super big impact on me. (elaborate why later on) and so yeah, it just got me seriously thinking ALOT, and i've decided i'm gna take down every single experience with ODAC. i really don't want to forget ODAC at all, and yes, ODAC means alot to me. ALOT (:

this wasn't the first time. just days ago when we went for our stepup2 movie the day after DARE, the thought of it ending just overwhelmed me. it sucked to the max. people around kept convincing one another that we're never gonna let our ODAC family disperse no matter what happens in future. yes, i really want that to happen, i'm more or less convinced it will happen, i believe everyone in the batch knows we'll never part as well, but it's just human nature to think of worse case scenario. WHAT IF. WHAT IF. gah, screw Murphy's Law! hahaha, hate it. but guess there's nt much point fighting a useless battle with myself on whether we'll stay together. whether or not we'll never part depends on every one of us, how much we trust one another, how much we are goign to trust this could very well be the best 1 year of our (mine for sure) lives, and why not let it continue?

so many many events have passed since my last post, big, major, pivotal ones as an ODAC instructor one as well. let me see. fund-raising, SIKKIM, ITC, B2B, OLC12, DARE. and these are just events that happened, not forgetting having something to do with ODAC at least once a day. yes, can't avoid that. i guess it's a bit too late to start right from the very first ODAC activity, too much to say as well, so i'll just let pictures do the job. but i shall take on this commitment to at least post whenever there's an ODAC activity(very very ambitious, hopefully it'll be sustained!), no matter how small, and regardless of whether it'll be a daily job. ODAC memories are too precious to be lost, and assuming there's such a thing called the Murphy's Law, it's definitely not too late to salvage the remaining days left, coz everyday with ODAC is a complete day.

so yeah, i shall start from yesterday! probably one of the greatest days in the year i must say. there have been many great days, like during break camps or when DARE finally ended.however it's just something really really special about yesterday that's unexplanable yet so powerful. i guess it's reliving the times when we know having one another's company is indeed the ultimate blessing you can ever ask for. it just felt so carefree and surreal.(it's definitely not exaggerated) why can't life be like that all the time. roar.

got held back by some vgems stuff so couldn't join the earlier grp, but made my way there with faizah and lemuel, which wasn't bad at all. haha. received some bad news along the way, but just tried to brush it all aside till the day ended. met up with the rest in the bouldering gym. first time there, and it was FREAKING nice! oh man. owns climbasia's by ten times? it was really big, had 2 levels and the best thing is that the whole ground's just mattress. freestyle! okay and one of the things that added to the shiokness was that i didn't pay. (LOL) started off with a few routes. surprisingly i was able to clear, despite hardcore PT the day before and being a sucker for climbing. haha, morale booster! but the routes were the easiest there i guess, so yeah, whatever, i still suck. lol. yeah, most of us got tired soon after and we started *owning the gym. owning means taking advantage of the fact that THERE WAS A CAMERA watching our every move and that we were the only ones in the gym. we(guys) started spamming freestyle moves, somersaults, flips, handstands, ontheair flips and practically just whacking whatever we could think of on the mat. girls took the centre stage with their (LOLOL) sushi roll thingy and some humpty dumpty stunt which was freaking hilarious. HAHA. still got dno what barney march. hahaha. the PIs kept peeking at us, throw face sia. and er, something trajic happened to my pants(thanks to not changing into shorts even though i had them). it's now in the bin. dang, i still do miss my pants. ahh.

i guess it's the whole time when we were freestyling did i feel that really special feeling. the freestyling wasn't all that spectacularly fun, but it's just the feeling of just letting yourself go and just whack that you get to feel the bonds we actually share. the close yet not close feeling. ah, it's just ODAC. left kfc where we had dinner feeling rather high. after effects of ODAC activities lah must be. haha. on the whole bus ride home, it was ultimate emo for me. couldn't stop reminiscing the times shared with ODAC. it's really imba to the max now that i think of it. i don't think you'll even get to experience that even in army or the best ever organization you engage yourself in. okay, at least that's how i feel. i sort of teared i think. wasn't because the thought of us having the small probability that we'll part somehow, but rather, overwhelmed by how good the whole ODAC experience has been. every time i change focus onto another event, it'll just get worse. ah, terribly imba. it's really the people in it lah. guess the best analogy to give would be that of MrSeet's jigsaw puzzle. : D

though today wasn't as good a day as yesterday. okay it really can't be compared to yesterday. but still, every ODAC experience is one to be remembered. had PT today! haha. ran 2 rounds arnd sch, then whacked one after that. timing wasn't that good but still, it was shiok. then had captain's ball! think we're getting there alrd, the title's for the taking! had drills training? it was good (: and yes again, every time we do stuff tgt, no matter how small they are, i'll just get the feeling of us being so close yet not that close. the powerful bond. ha. then went for dinner. short but sweet day, though it could have been much better, stuff that happened which i became sensitive about. but again, that's just another thing, which will take time. lol.

odac is indeed a life changing CCA, that's what we told our then trainees. can't agree more.

we should be called "ODAC, the way of life" from now no. haha. then under category of CCA is "THE way of life" ((:

the best ever.

I swore I'm up to no good on 10:24 PM